Boxed In
by SkyeLansing
Summary: Now a veteran of the ZPD and officially dating Judy, Nick has decided it is time to move their relationship forward and is trying to work up the courage to propose, but before he can a new crime threatens everything he knows and loves. Not a fan of dark fiction, and don't consider this one, but that said things get heavy pretty quick. Fair warning. (Unrelated to Partners.)
1. Dinner for Two

I've never been good at telling stories, especially not about things that happened to me. Old scars that should have healed over long ago, I guess. Still, even though my life has gotten better I have a difficult time forgetting all the harsh lessons I learned when I was a kid. Learning that it was best to hide when I was hurting, otherwise the world would notice and use the pain to hurt me even worse.

But at some point I guess I let my guard down; that is the only reason I can think of for how things changed. Helped uncover a political scandal, gave up my life as a petty scam artist, somehow made it through the academy to become a cop, and found myself assigned to the best partner I could ever want. All because of that sly bunny.

I never asked Carrots—sorry, Judy—what she saw in me. She's practically defines the word "idealist." Normally I'd count that as a fault, and yet. She believes it all so earnestly it's contagious, grabbing hold of something I thought was lost long ago and just making me want to see the world that way too. Because if we could make it work everything would be so much better. And because it would make her happy. I'll never know how she does it.

So I cleaned up my life and joined the academy. When I got out we became partners. I was happy, which was a little weird. Things had never been great before, but I'd never realized how cheerless my life was. Maybe I put up such a good front that I fooled myself, or maybe I just accepted that the misery was simply meant to be. Karma. Regardless, those few years were great.

And then we weren't partners any longer. That probably sounds bad, but it really wasn't. See, as partners we naturally spent our shifts together, chatting about literally anything to keep boredom at bay. Eventually we started spending our free time together as well. Then, at some point, we realized what I assume the entire precinct already knew.

So we got split up. Regulations. Fraternization between partners is forbidden. Didn't matter to us, not even the looks. Maybe we saw each other a little less during the day, but when we did get together we could be more open.

Things were rough, especially at first, but somehow we managed in spite of the inevitable misunderstandings and occasional fight. It got better, we moved in together and learned how to make things work. There were a lot of rough patches, a lot of hurt feelings, but for some reason she never wanted to give up. Neither did I.

Which I guess brings us to the story I'm so valiantly running from. Night after work, our third anniversary just two weeks behind us. We'd decided to meet at our usual diner to grab some food before heading home. My mind honestly wasn't all there. I was looking out at the rain, watching it fall through the light cast by the street lamps. One flickered intermittently. It was a soft, gentle rainfall. Soothing.

That was nice because I was pretty nervous. I'd been thinking a lot about the future at the time. Soon I'd be pushing my way into 40, and though Judy would always be beautiful in my eyes she was starting to lose some of her youthful bounce. She deserved more than the never ending holding pattern we were locked into, even though she claimed she didn't mind.

Heh. I don't know why it seems funny now, but I'd already bought the ring. Even had it in my pocket right then. Simple thing, just a band of gold without even a stone. Kept checking to make sure it was there, though I didn't dare propose. It needed to be something special. Something nice, but private, so we wouldn't have to deal with the same looks we got whenever we kissed. Just her and me together. I just hadn't figured out what, or when, or how.

"You okay?" she asked. "You're spacing out tonight."

"Mmmm. Just thinking."

She put her elbows on the table, leaned over, and smiled that smile. "You're doing that an awful lot in your old age."

"I'm not that old yet," I said, though I couldn't help grinning back. The uniform still looked amazing on her. "Just got a lot on my mind these days."

"Work?" she asked.

"Yeah, those robberies I'm looking into," I lied. Considered getting on my knee then. Should have, but I chickened out. "This is a lot harder when I can't steal credit from you."

She slid down in her seat enough to kick me under the table, just hard enough to make me jump. "Dumb fox."

We both started to laugh almost like we had during our first date. It felt good. Got a lot of attention from the others in the diner. Oddly, that felt good too. I guess it is a little different when we're not dressed up. When we're in uniform most everyone just assumes we're two regular cops grabbing dinner after work.

"There is something, but I'm really not sure this is the time," I said once we both settled again. "A surprise. I just need to figure everything out first."

I remember the way she looked at me when I said that, so different from her usual self. Carrots is so outgoing I rarely catch her acting shy. Looking away like she had some sort of secret. My heart nearly jumped from my chest from worry that she'd seen the ring already.

"Well, when are you going to tell me?" she asked.

"I...uh...next week?"

And she took my hand and we just sat, eating our food while we stole looks at each other. I can tell when she's hiding something, and I'm sure she can read me just as easily. There was no need for her to ask, though. Eventually we always share everything. This would be no different.

When we spoke, we talked about work. About her family. About the precinct gossip. About the city. In a small, indirect way it was always about us.

After, we stood outside under what little shelter the entrance overhang provided and just looked into each other's eyes. The rain had washed the usual scents of the city away, so all I could smell was her. It made me want to pick her up and carry her home right then, gather some blankets, and just curl up together.

"We should go," she said, as if she'd read my thoughts. "My parents will be calling soon, and talking to them in public is embarrassing."

I actually winced. "Sorry Carrots, but there's this thing I need to take care of. One final interview in Sahara Square."

"So late?"

"Witness works a swing shift," I said. "He asked me to come by after he got off work. I'll probably come home once I'm done."

"Probably?"

I trailed my fingers down one of her ears then tapped her nose, smirking. "Well, you do snore. I might sleep better if I get a hotel room."

"Dumb fox," she muttered before licking my cheek. "How late are you going to be out?"

"A couple hours, unless I get something important enough to head back to the precinct," I said, then shrugged. "Either way, I'll be home by midnight."

"But I was hoping we could talk," she pouted.

"Like I said, I should probably be back before then. If not, we can talk in the morning, right?"

We kissed, ignoring the looks we got, and went our separate ways. Stupid. I should have gone with her.

Instead, I got in my patrol car and headed to Sahara Square. It was a long, lonely drive, and listening to the radio didn't really help. I kept feeling the ring in my pocket and thinking about Judy sitting by herself back home. She wouldn't be sad—she knew how the job could get—but I hated to disappoint her.

Arrived about half an hour later, mostly because of the traffic. For some reason I always forget that Sahara Square comes alive at night, which means I never leave myself enough time to get around. Already late, I was in a hurry to meet the witness so I scampered into the building as soon as my car was off.

Let me tell you something about movies: they lie. When someone sneaks up on the hero he always turns around at the last moment. This didn't go down like that. Not at all.

I'm...not exactly sure what happened. Something hit me. Something hard. I went down with an undignified yelp, the whole world swimming. Then a prick to my arm and a burn and then...just...nothing.


	2. Boxed

When I woke up I had no clue how much time had passed, though I knew it was a lot. My mouth was dry and my everything hurt. To be completely honest, at first I didn't even remember that anything had happened. I just assumed I'd fallen asleep at my desk only to somehow end up on the floor.

That changed the moment I started to move. My head bumped into something hard when I tried to stand. My arms flailed and also hit something. Unyielding and smooth. Realized, to my alarm and confusion, that that I could feel a muzzle around my face. Then I remembered what I'd been doing. Remembered getting hit.

Somehow I managed to keep my cool, or as cool as possible given that I had no clue where I was or why. Checked my pockets. Phone, wallet, keys, badge, and even the ring. I actually felt a moment of relief. Nothing was missing.

Seconds later I realized just how bad that was.

I managed to pull my phone out. There wasn't any signal, go figure, but the screen gave more than enough light to see by. I immediately wished I hadn't looked. Someone had stuffed me in a box made from some sort of resilient, clear plastic with maybe a foot of extra room in any direction. That wasn't the bad part though. Everywhere I looked I only saw dirt.

Panic hit really hard then and I flailed. Clawed at the muzzle in an attempt to pry it off. I'm not sure how much time passed. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes, but it seemed like hours. The box was solid and didn't budge, though, and the muzzle was tight and held secure with some sort of lock.

Eventually I noticed a tiny fan above my head, blowing air in through a little pipe. Next to it was a small webcam aimed directly at me. I flipped it off, hardly able to believe the sicko's were watching. Down near my feet was some sort of cloth bag, so I began trying to kick it up to where my hands could reach. There wasn't really enough room to do it properly, but I was just trying to do anything to keep my mind occupied. To keep from panicking again.

By the time I finally hooked it with a finger my knees were bruised and I was nearly panting. I moved my head as close to the fan as I could and gasped, startled by how quickly the box had gotten stuffy. But I had the bag and started to fumble with it while I caught my breath.

A gun fell out and landed next to my head with a thud. A revolver. At first I just looked at it, then realized only one chamber held a bullet. Just thinking about it now turns my stomach to ice, but at the time I just kind of stared at it. My thoughts had gotten detached. Clinical even. I remember thinking that the message was pretty clear.

I also found an old handheld cassette player and ear buds. That actually made me laugh in spite of everything. It was just so absurd. So cliche. Who the heck even uses that stuff any more? Nothing else to do so I put the buds in and pushed play.

"Hello Nick, you're probably wondering why you're here." I didn't recognize the rough, almost gravelly voice.

I immediately pushed stop and yelled at it. "Screw you!"

In fact I yelled it several times. Then I hurled the player as hard as I could, trying to smash it against the box. With so little room I couldn't put much power behind the throw though, so it just bounced pathetically. That made me even more angry so I shoved it down toward my feet and began stomping. Laughing hysterically and cussing and even crying, but not about to listen to some psychopath gloat. The player's case cracked, then splintered, and soon I was kicking nothing more than audio cassette's tape and shards of plastic, but I kept going until I was gasping for breath again.

Which is when I pulled the ear buds out, tried to curl up, and started sobbing. There wasn't enough room for that, obviously. I...think they wanted to make sure the camera could always see what I was doing, always see my face. I cussed at it, hit the glass in front of the lens for all the good that would do, but my whole body was trembling and weak and I was feeling lightheaded from how hard it was to get air.

So I collapsed onto my back and panted. Then started yelling for help. Soon I realized I was sobbing again, begging Carrots to find me. To save me. I knew she had to be looking, I hadn't come home after all. And I just knew she would pull through and soon I'd hear people digging me out and there she'd be.

Only when I opened my eyes again there was still just the light of my phone, and the glass, and the dirt, and the soft hum of the fan.

And the gun.


	3. One Bullet

I'm not sure how long I looked at that revolver, just feeling the weight of it in my hands. It wasn't particularly large, a sub-compact of some sort with a snub-nose that made for easy concealment. Way different from the full sized models we had on the force, but then in the few instances we were allowed to carry guns nobody would say anything. The revolver was the type of thing we found on criminals. No surprises there.

There was nothing else to do, so I started flipping the cylinder opened and closed, spinning it, just anything to keep from simply sitting there. Took the bullet out first so I wouldn't accidentally blow my head off, and just kept fiddling. Listening to the sound of steel on steel. Felt the weight on the trigger pull and watched the hammer come back, back, slowly back, then break. CLICK.

From time to time I looked up at the webcam, wondering if the sick freaks were enjoying the show. Wondered if they were even watching. Or maybe they were recording it for some reason. I tried not to think very hard about that, but if they'd bothered to put a camera I knew they had to be waiting to see something. My death probably, though I wasn't sure why they bothered. I began to feel pretty stupid for destroying the cassette player without listening to the whole thing. The ZPD lab boys could probably reconstruct the audio from the tape despite how I'd crushed the whole thing, but that wasn't going to do me any good until I got out.

If I got out.

Pulled the bullet out of my pocket to look it over. Wasn't a hollow point, but large caliber. Big enough to put someone like me down pretty easy if it hit the right place. Done right I wouldn't even have a chance to feel anything. Maybe wouldn't even hear the bang. Quick and clean. Hell of a lot easier than suffocating or dying of thirst.

Sitting there thinking about my death and how I wanted it to go was oddly surreal. Everyone dies, I knew that, but suddenly it was snarling and on top of me. And there was the gun and the bullet, giving this sense of immediacy. I couldn't stop shaking as I considered that maybe that was their whole game. See if the cop will off himself, take the easy way out, or suffer through the whole thing. Probably even had a betting pool going.

Twisted thing was I wasn't sure which way was better. Just ending it seemed like the coward's way out. Judy was out there looking for me. She'd find me sooner or later, and the thought of giving up on her made me sick. She'd blame herself for it, for not getting to me faster.

But would it be any better if I didn't? What if these people were good enough that even Carrots couldn't get them? I didn't have any clue where I was, and was sure nobody at the office did either. Plus I was being recorded, I was sure of that now for some reason, and if that was the case the tapes would get out sooner or later. Then Judy would see them. True, she would either way, but which was more merciful? Something a few hours long? Or something that dragged on for days?

I put the bullet in the cylinder and spun it. Took it out. My hands were shaking pretty bad, so much so that I nearly dropped it when I tried to put it back in. Dark ideas floated in my head that I couldn't believe I was having. How did I want to look at the funeral?

Just started spinning the cylinder, over and over, listening to it with my eyes closed. Considered playing a game. Six chambers. Three trigger pulls. Fifty-fifty odds, taken out of my hands. Let fate decide. If I lived, if it got bad enough later, I could always change my mind; right? And the revolver just felt so comfortable as I squeezed my fingers around the grip.

Only when I got the barrel to where my muzzle met my throat I froze. The trigger seemed so much heavier than when I first tested it. My senses came back to me and I yanked it away, cold sweat soaking into my fur as I realized what I'd nearly done.

Then I just started crying again, even though it seems odd to call it that since I didn't have any more tears. Tried to curl up again and just whispered to Carrots that I was sorry over and over again. Closed my eyes and imagined her holding me as I begged her to hurry up because I couldn't take it much longer. Even imagined I could hear her voice telling me it was okay. Not my fault. She didn't blame me.

And I wished that I could kiss her, but that damn muzzle was still on and there wasn't any way for me to get it off. I'm not exactly sure what happened then. I—something in me snapped I guess. I was curled up and sobbing and needing her to hold me, and then I wanted to feel her lips on mine, but the muzzle made that impossible. It didn't matter that she wasn't actually there, something in me just broke.

I grabbed the gun and nestled the barrel firmly into place...and then I started pulling the trigger.


	4. Cracks

The revolver went off on the second squeeze, frighteningly loud as the muzzle flash blinded me for a second. Everything started to ring and I nearly choked on the spent gunpowder. Still, I felt the muzzle come loose now that one of the straps had been shot through. Getting the damn thing off was still a struggle, but at last I threw it off and collapsed back again.

As far as victories went this was the poster child of pettiness, but it felt wonderful. Must have had a big, dopey grin on my face as I worked my jaw freely for the first time in I don't know how long. Flipped off the camera again for good measure.

"You didn't win," I muttered.

Being able to breathe without that thing on was enough to let me calm down a little. The fan continued to drone away and my thoughts turned inside me. Ended up reaching into my pocket to feel the ring again, worried for some reason that it wasn't really there. Squeezed it tightly in my hand and told Carrots I was sorry again.

I felt stupid and worthless as I thought about all the missed chances I'd had. Literal years before I swallowed my fear long enough to even buy the ring, and then always wimping out at the last moment when it came time to ask. How many chances had I let go yesterday? Ten? A hundred? A thousand? It really didn't matter. One should have been enough. We work in the same building after all.

So now I was buried alive with my stupid ring because I'm a coward. I might even die—I was finally beginning to accept that I think—and Carrots would never even know until they dug up my body and found the ring. And just how would all my concerns about waiting for the right moment look then?

"Please, oh please just get me out of here," I whispered. "I promise the moment she digs me up I'll propose. Just let me get out of here."

No answer came, but I did hear something. A soft trickling up above. No clue why I cared, but I looked and saw that the bullet had punched a hole through the plastic near the corner. I was surprised, I would have expected it to do more damage, but they must not have skimped and gotten the shatterproof stuff. Still, there was a hole and dirt was leaking in through it.

Initially I was struck by this irrational fear that it would fill the entire chamber and suffocate me, but then I realized it was coming in far too slowly for that. Then I had a crazy idea. The dirt around me didn't look that difficult to dig through. It couldn't be, not if I'd been buried recently. Even if they packed it down it should be easy to pull out with just my claws. If I could just get at it maybe, just maybe, I could dig my way free. Assuming it didn't just fall on top of me all at once.

Still, it was a chance. I grabbed my keys out of my pocket and jammed one into the hole, then wrenched it from side to side. The car key snapped almost immediately. The key to the apartment didn't snap, but it did bend to nearly a right angle before I gave up on it. My locker key was last, it seemed too small to be useful, but I was able to saw at the hole a little before it too snagged wrong and broke off.

The reward for all that effort was just the smallest crack you can imagine. Hardly seemed worth the effort, but it was something. Pulled off my shirt then, and somehow managed to kick off my pants. Wrapped them tightly around my hand to protect it and just started to beat on the ceiling as hard as I could in the limited space, aiming to make the crack grow.

I lost track of time, just so focused on trying to batter my way out. I'd wail on it until I was gasping for air, pause until I got my breath back, then immediately started up again. At some point I hurt my hand, it started bleeding, so I switched to my other. Then I hurt it too.

After everything was said and done I learned a few things. First, dirt is heavy. Really heavy. Every time I punched it felt like I was hitting a brick wall, and the ceiling barely even budged. Second, even when you really can't move very much fighting for your life takes a ton of energy. I couldn't put much of my strength behind the hits, and I didn't really have any leverage, but by the time I was done my fur was soaked with sweat. Third, there was no way I was getting out of there. Even after everything the crack had only traversed about the length of my hand, and I still couldn't get at the dirt. And fourth, my phone was about to run out of juice.

That last one I didn't learn from struggling, but when my phone beeped at me while I was panting after. When I checked the battery meter was red, hovering at 5% and asking to be plugged in. Too late I realized that I should have put it in airplane mode to save power, that it had been scanning for a signal it couldn't possibly find underground. I agonized over what to do for a moment, then reluctantly turned it off.

Everything went dark again. I thought I would be cool with that, I mean nothing had really changed, but somehow not being able to see just made everything so much worse. My only light was a tiny red dot on the webcam, and that wasn't enough for me to see anything.

I was exhausted, thirsty, and more than anything the most frightened I'd ever been. There was nothing to do, though, and I was just so tired. All I could do was lay back and cry myself to sleep.


	5. Figments

I drifted in and out with no way to tell how much time passed. Hours at least. You'd think I had bad dreams trapped in that hell, but it was more of this blank void that I slipped off to time and again, letting it wrap around me so I didn't have to know what was happening.

Sometimes when I woke I didn't know where I was and flailed around in confusion and complete terror in the darkness until everything came crashing back down on me. Worse were the times I remembered immediately. Time and again I would check the walls of my coffin—I was sure that is what it was—always convinced they were slowly shrinking in under the incredible weight of the earth piled on top of me.

Worst of all was the one time I woke with a start, sure I'd heard Judy calling my name. I started screaming for her that I was there, that she'd found me. That I loved her and was so happy and scared. That I wanted her to marry me. Then I sat anxiously and waited for her to dig me out. Only she wasn't really there. And, of course, I didn't get dug out. I...didn't take the disappointment very well.

I started to hallucinate. Seeing things in the dark, teeth and claws reaching for my flesh with sinister purpose. All alone and wondering what was taking her so long. Started to question if she'd ever find me, to regret using the bullet, then hated myself for having those thoughts.

Desperate to keep some sort of grip, I took to doing anything I could. Tapped on the walls. Told myself dumb jokes and stupid puns. Hummed the tunes to the music I liked. Even started singing the few songs I'd memorized back when I wanted to be a scout.

Pass out, wake up, do it all over again. Lost track of how many times, but soon I was waking up thirsty. So thirsty I couldn't believe it. The tip of my nose was dry, which was bad. Voice started to give out too.

At first I didn't even hear the noise. Maybe I was asleep. Or maybe I was delirious. Or put it off to another hallucination. Or...or...or...

But then it was there, the sound of shovels moving earth. All at once I started screaming as loudly as I could, banging on the walls so they'd hear me. And they did, because the the digging got faster.

So I started crying again, this time from relief. Hugging myself and thanking Carrots for pulling through for me. Chastised myself for ever doubting her. Found the ring again, it was still in my pants pocket even after I took them off, and was ready to propose the moment they got me out.

A dull thud, a scrape, and then suddenly light burned my eyes. It hurt bad, but I didn't care, glad to feel the sun on my body and completely forgetting for a moment that I was only in my boxers anymore. I stretched, pushing on the top as if that would help the diggers.

When my vision returned I looked for Carrots, but all I saw were the bigger animals of the ZPD. Rhinos, elephants, hippos. Of course. They'd want to get me out fast, and Judy couldn't move as much earth.

Finally they pried the top open and dragged me out. After being trapped for so long everything seemed so much larger as I looked around, trying to get my bearings. Not sure what I expected, but certainly not an abandoned lot in the Rainforest District.

Everyone was around me all at once, touching me, crowding in. If I hadn't been looking for Carrots in the throng I probably would have had a nervous breakdown with everyone pressing in around me. But I couldn't see her, couldn't see her anywhere, and that was infinitely more frightening.

"Everyone back up and let him breathe."

Chief Bogo's command cut over all the noise and shouts of congratulations. Suddenly I was standing by myself and nearly fell to the ground. I think it was Fangmeyer that caught me by subtly moving closer to prop me up. Normally I would have cracked a joke at the white wolf's expense for that, but I was too tired and still couldn't see her anywhere.

"How are you feeling, Wilde?" Chief Bogo asked.

I nearly couldn't comprehend the question. "Where's Judy?"

Everyone shifted around and coughed, but Bogo started herding me toward some paramedics. "Administrative leave," he said simply. "Wolford found you."

"But Judy," I said numbly. I still had the ring in my hand. Started trembling.

"We'll call her," Fangmeyer promised. "She'll meet you at the hospital."

It didn't make sense, everything was all wrong. Not that I was ungrateful for the rescue, but it was supposed to be Carrots who found me. Yeah, I had forgotten about the rules, that she would definitely be put on leave, but that wouldn't be enough to stop her, right?

So I was released into the care of the paramedics while the ZPD held the reporters at bay. They gave me some water and looked at my head, then declared I was suffering from dehydration and a concussion. One tried to pry open my hand, but I growled at him. Somehow my pants were brought to me, and I managed to pull them back on and carefully hid the ring in my pocket once more.

The trip to the hospital was something of a haze. When we arrived I was exhausted. They hooked me up to an IV for fluids and bandaged my hands. Said they needed to get x-rays of my head and wanted to observe me overnight, but that if I started peeing and seemed okay tomorrow I could go home.

Visitors came and went, I can't even remember most of them. But finally Judy walked in and I saw her standing there, so anxious I barely recognized her. For some reason I thought she'd be wearing her uniform.

"Hey Carrots," I said, my voice a bit raspy as I managed a smile.

"Hello Nick." She tried to smile back, but it seemed weak and uncertain. "Sorry I was out looking and...I was up in Tundratown. I guess they beat me this time."

Her voice was trembling. I was so tired, but I thought she felt guilty for not being there. And yeah not having her there when they pulled me out had hurt, but I smiled again anyway.

"You sound a little strange."

Her ears dipped slowly and she looked away. "I've been crying."

"Don't worry about it, sly bunny," I said, then leaned a little closer.

Expected her to kiss me, but she just looked away. Didn't know what to think, just felt like I'd been kicked in the gut. And I noticed her scent, or rather the one covering it up.

"Are you wearing perfume?" I asked in an attempt to lighten the mood. "So eager to find another date, Officer Hopps?"

I don't know what I expected. For her to call me a dumb fox, probably. To laugh. To hug me and reassure me that she'd never do that. But maybe some of my hurt got out because she just looked at me as if trying to find the right words.

"I just wanted to smell nice for you," she said softly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to...sorry."

She stood there, looking unsure of herself. I wanted to get up and hug her, but just laying on my side was hard enough. I reached out to stroke her ear instead, but she jumped away. I couldn't believe it.

"I should really get home. They told me I couldn't visit for long," she said as she stepped back again. "But hey, you get out tomorrow. I'll see you then, and we can talk about everything, right?"

I stared, too stunned to say anything. Thought about the ring in the pocket of my pants draped across the bedside chair. Started to reach for it, but stopped myself. Thought about hugging her again, burying my nose in her fur in an attempt to reach her scent, but she clearly didn't want to be touched. Reluctantly I rolled onto my back.

"Yeah. Crazy day. See you tomorrow."


	6. Broken

Morning came and with it the biggest headache I've ever had. Doctors gave me something to dull the pain and said I'd probably been hurting all of yesterday too but was too scared out of my mind to notice. The X-ray's were clear, though, and I guess I did well overnight. So they just waited until I was peeing again, changed the bandages on my hands, then they were ready to release me.

Judy brought some things from home for me to wear and we went down to the precinct together. Everything was just off though. She seemed standoffish, and I was hurting pretty bad from yesterday. Not just what had happened to me, but the way things happened when I saw her again after. Guilt over my bad joke, still kicking myself for accusing her of cheating at a time like this. Ache from the way she'd left me alone for the night. Wanted to make up. To kiss her and tell her I was sorry for being stupid and shitty and just hold her.

But she was wearing the perfume again and it just put me off. Was sure she did it intentionally, to remind me of what I'd said last night, and deep down I knew I deserved it. So we went down more or less without talking, just kinda...together but not really. Kept thinking about the ring, running my claw over its smooth curve in my pocket and just wondering why things were suddenly so terrible. Everything had been amazing that last dinner, and now...

When we walked in there was cheering and happy faces pushing in from all sides. Found out I had been put in the ground around 1am, dug back out a bit over fourteen hours later. Heard about how Wolford found a witness that saw me get attacked and managed to track me down from that. Heard about how Chief Bogo had brought basically the whole ZPD out looking for me.

Judy just kind of hung back the whole time, looking unsure as she hovered near the edges quietly like she didn't fit in. She barely even looked at me. I understood, it must have been horrible to be sidelined like that. And then she tried anyway, but without the department to back her up hadn't managed to come up with anything. Not like that first time.

Found out I had paid leave, and both Judy and I needed to pass a psyche evaluation before we could go back to work. They'd already called in a guy for Judy, but since I was there too it would be easy enough to squeeze me in after.

I was screwed hard, and I knew it. No way I was going to pass, not so soon after. Everything inside me still felt broken and ruined and hopeless, but I just wanted...I wanted to make things be normal again. Back at work. Back with Judy. Let everything be in the past and go back to the way things were when they were good.

So I looked up the tests they'd run, and how to pass while pretending to goof off at my computer. Couldn't access any specific files, but with the right internet searches you'd be amazed what you can find. Read everything I could find so that when Judy came out (she passed, of course) I would be ready to pull a fast one.

This particular shrink was a mouse, which made it a little difficult to take him seriously. He went right to the point, though, and started in with word associations. You know the thing. He says "red" and then I'm supposed to tell him the first word to come to mind. Lucky me, I just happened to have read all about them not five minutes ago. All I needed to do was keep my responses upbeat and positive.

So it went. Car, driver. Building, house. Night, stars. Dark, sleep. Glass, window. Dirt, trees. Trapped, in-laws. Water, drink. Hurt, bandage. Torture.

Torture.

That one caught me off-guard, actually surprised at how direct he was. "Isn't that a little on the nose?"

"I don't know, Mr. Wilde. Is it?"

"Look, I don't know what you are accusing me of," I said. Or yelled rather, though I didn't mean to. "I've done what you wanted. Do I pass?"

"No," he said and shuffled around on the table top, reading from his miniature notepad. "Because you aren't taking the test, are you Mr. Wilde? You're supposed to give me the first thing that comes to mind, not the thing you think I want to hear."

Apparently it's been too long since I was into hustling. I argued with him. Tried to bribe him. Tried begging. Tried telling the truth, that I just...I needed to go back to work. He didn't budge.

Next thing I know I'm being sent to see a therapist specializing in those who've suffered trauma. I could hardly believe it, could barely tell everyone that I wasn't cleared for work. Worst of all, nobody really seemed surprised.

I just drifted through the day in a miserable haze until it was time for me to go, apparently it was already set up. Like they just assumed. Or knew. And for as stupid as it was, and as much as I hated it and knew it wasn't going to work, couldn't possibly work, I went. Judy stayed behind, to catch up on work she said, but promised to see me when I got out. Wanted to ask her to come anyway, to be there with me, but I was too afraid. Too worried that last night I'd hurt her so bad with that comment that maybe she was having doubts about us. I couldn't possibly face that, so I gave her the space she clearly wanted and left her alone.

This time it was a female fox about Judy's age, and I wondered if that was why she'd been matched with me. We talked for a time, or rather she talked while I made grudging, non-committal noises. Half way through the session she just stopped. When I looked over she'd gotten up, and started playing a video on her TV.

Apparently she'd been given the security footage from the day before. I found myself watching as Carrots got to work and found a package on her desk. Watched her open it up, read the note, then check something on her computer and there I was. Even though I hadn't seen it before, could barely even make it out from the footage, I recognized the angle as the camera from my box. And Carrots just stopped and stared and...I think she broke.

Didn't know what to think. Or feel. Or say. I'd known about the camera, I'd hated it. Assumed they were watching or recording what was going on, but never once guessed that the real reason was so they could send it to Judy. Even if they'd been taping it and I knew she was going to see the footage eventually I never...not while it was happening. Not live. Never that.

But somehow she kept from falling apart and I watched her try to pull everything back together to save me. Then Chief Bogo stepped out, they argued and next thing I know Clawhauser is escorting her out the door.

She's always been the stronger one.

At some point I started crying. Felt empty. Hollow. Used up and useless and just...so wrapped up in what I wanted and how much I was hurt and scared and everything that I just didn't realize, couldn't realize how terrible it had been for everyone else too. How frantic they must have felt. And how in a way Carrots had been just as helpless as I was and just...

So I talked. I didn't tell her everything, not about the ring or how I'd promised I was going to propose. I also glossed over how tempting that gun had been. And about how close I'd come to just accepting that I wouldn't be found. Definitely didn't tell her about how much it hurt that Carrots hadn't been there, or about how things had gone in the hospital when I finally did see her.

The rest I did share, though. Pretended I was talking about someone else, it was the only way I could get through it even leaving the worst bits out. It didn't make me feel any better. She listened to it all anyway, I guess, and said she was sorry I'd been forced to go through it. Not that it helped. Everything was still terrible and fucked up and simply wrong. Yeah being able to tell someone about it was like lifting some of the weight but...to her this was just a job. She didn't care; not like I needed.

We finished an hour late, and my throat felt raw from talking for so long. Judy was waiting for me outside to drive me home. She had the perfume on still, but I kept my mouth shut. I still remembered last night all too clearly and just...I didn't want to go there again.

Our place had been completely torn apart, almost like someone had ransacked it. At first I was taken aback, but Judy admitted it had been her when she'd been worried and promised to clean it up tomorrow. Messed up as it is, hearing her say that was such a relief I cannot even begin to describe it. To lose her cool like that she really must have been worried.

I moved to kiss her, just a soft peck, but every muscle in her body tensed so I hugged her instead. Thanked her and apologized for being a jerk last night. Saw guilt in her eyes. But everything still felt wrong and she pulled away.

At a loss, I decided to lay in bed and just chat. Plugged in my phone and finally got to turn it back on. Immediately got blown up with all the messages, first from those trying to get in contact with me, then those who'd heard the news sending their well wishes. I set to the task of clearing them one by one while Judy went to the computer.

"What're you doing?" I asked.

She didn't even look back. "Just a bit of work to make up before bed. I wasn't able to get anything done yesterday."

Not exactly what I wanted to hear, so I laid back in the bed. It was nice. Her scent still clung to the sheets and I just let it fill me while I tried to figure out how to explain why the perfume bothered me so much. Tried to explain that it just wasn't her. That I wanted her. But I couldn't figure out how without hurting her feelings.

Nothing to do then but idle chit chat about nothing and try to get my phone back in order. Harder than you think with how large Judy's family is, and with each of them sending me a different message. I was most of the way through dismissing them when several caught my eye.

"Hey, your parents say you've been ignoring their calls."

Her ears drooped. "Oh, yeah. I was just...well...yesterday, you know?"

"No, I mean today," I said, honestly surprised. "They say they've tried like five times."

A moment of silence, then she gave a soft laugh. "Ah, I have it on silent right now. I'll send them a text telling them I'm sorry and get with them later."

My jaw dropped a little and I found myself wondering who this was. Carrots never has her phone silenced. Never. We've gotten into all sorts of trouble because of it. It's always going off when she's interviewing witnesses, or in meetings, or giving a briefing. I've literally been flushed down a toilet because of it. And when her parents call she almost always answers if she can, even if only to say hello.

And as I sit there I realize that she doesn't sound like Carrots. I mean really doesn't sound like her, not that she's talking differently. It is close, but she hasn't been crying today and just...and the pattern of her fur isn't right either. Again close, but dye can do that and I'm becoming more and more sure as my heart starts to race in my chest.

This isn't her, this really isn't my Carrots. And even as I think this I hate myself, because who else could she be? How can I possibly doubt her when she's sitting right there? I know about this disorder where people wake up, and for some reason think their loved ones have been replaced. So now I'm really wondering. Maybe I am insane. Maybe that sick box really did break my mind.

Because everyone else at the precinct saw her and didn't say anything, but then none of them know her nearly as well as I do. And why else would she avoid letting her parents hear her voice? Not even a hello? Because they'd immediately notice. Like I should have from the start.

And the perfume. God, the perfume. Of course she doesn't want me to smell her. Because it isn't her, and I'd know the moment I got her scent.

But still I'm laying there wondering if I'm insane. Wondering if I've completely flipped. Wondering why nobody else has noticed. And I've got to know but how do you ask someone if they're really...them?

"Carrots, come on. It is late. Come to bed," I said, though calling that impostor Carrots made my stomach clench.

She tensed up again, but now I knew why. She was worried I'd notice. But then she agreed, and slid into bed next to me. And I could only stay still, trying not to touch her, feeling horrible and sick that there was a stranger in our bed with me.

But I had to know. Rolled onto my side, facing her. She wasn't looking at me. Up close it seemed so obvious now. The black tips of her ears weren't quite right. Or maybe I've lost my mind completely and was making it all up. Finally I lean in just enough to touch my nose to her ear and sniff. And I hope—I pray that I'm just a crazy, dumb fox.

The perfume is strong, but near the tip of her ear I can just barely tell. A deep breath and it tickles my nose, and it really isn't her. Every muscle in my body coils up then as I realize everything all at once.

It wasn't about me. It was never about me. They didn't care if I died or not. Maybe it would be a nice side benefit, but I wasn't the real target. They got me because Carrots would be put on leave, and then they could grab her and send this thing—I couldn't believe anyone who would do this could be a person—to take her place so they could...I didn't know why. I didn't even know who they were, but it had to be true.

I could see it all so clearly as my heart began to run away in my chest and oh god I thought I was afraid when I was trapped. And now I have to stop myself from pouncing on this thing in our bed, stop myself from demanding answers, because it has everyone else fooled, and if it knows I'm onto it who knows what they'll do to Carrots.

So I held myself in check somehow. For her. Got out of bed then told the impostor that I was a bit hungry and going out to buy something. Asked if she wanted me to bring anything back. Then I grabbed my phone and got the hell away.


	7. Perfume

Once I was out of there I just started to walk, wrestling with what'd I'd found out and the doubts that hit the moment I was alone. I mean, I'd seen it. And touched it. And smelled it. That wasn't her, that wasn't Carrots. But at the same time that is exactly the sort of thing you'd expect to hear from someone that was completely off their rocker. Did I really believe someone could fool me even for a second? And if I was right, what did that mean about me, about us, that it had happened so easily?

I didn't want to think about it, but how could I not? It just made too much sense. So long, so desperate to see her, and then this lookalike is pushed in front of me when I'm willing to latch on. But they need to get it right, or at least close enough, so there is the perfume, and maybe some fur dye. And even that isn't going to be enough, so they tell her to interact with me as little as possible. Or anyone at the precinct. Or Judy's family.

Because if she does we'll notice that something is off. So she stays quiet at the office and just makes it look like she's doing work, and who's to say anything because maybe that is just how she tries to put everything behind her. Her family is worried, but they assume she is just getting over what happened. And of course I can't get close enough to kiss her, because then I'll be able to smell under the perfume, but I just think she's ashamed and that I've said something stupid so I give her space because I love her. And maybe that can't last forever, but then maybe a few days is long enough. Long enough to do something.

So now I'm walking faster, because my mind is running away with what all of this means. And I had to face the terrible possibility I was avoiding. If they went to all this trouble, if they were willing to kill me just to get at her, what were they going to do with Judy? The real one? Because she fights. And fights. And fights. And doesn't know when to stop even when she's lost, and god I love her for it but can they really risk...

I need to do something, but I don't know what. How do I file a missing persons report when anyone can just look in my apartment see her sitting right there? How can I explain that no, that isn't her. It is an impostor, a thing trying to fill the space long enough to do...whatever. That they had this all planned out, and no I don't know who they are, and yes I know how insane this all sounds, but trust me I'm not crazy and have gotten it all figured out.

And now I'm crying again and I don't know for how long, but my fur is soaked through and I know. I know. I know. I have to find out, so I start back home to confront that stranger. To demand answers. To...I don't know...to hope that I'm wrong and it is really her, even if that means I'm so broken now that "us" can't be a thing anymore.

The ring's in my pocket so I squeeze it and whisper to Carrots how much I love her, that I'm going to find her again. Squeeze it in my hand until the metal presses into my flesh just to be sure it is real. Turn back to home even though I'm scared to death that I'm wrong. Even more scared that I'm right, that Judy is out there somewhere and this time she needs my help and I'm the only one. The only one who knows or will believe it.

When I get home I feel numb all over, and my fur is still wet from crying, but I turn on the light and call out. "Carr—" I start, but I just can't call that impostor Carrots. "Hey fuzzball. We need to talk. Get up."

I wait a bit for her to come out of the bedroom, then call again. And now I'm getting a little angry because how dare they. I've already seen through the trick and now they're just delaying. Still no answer, so I stalk over to the bedroom and barely stop myself from kicking the door open when I go inside.

Empty. Completely empty. She's gone, left everything behind but those clothes I saw her in yesterday. And there is my lead. This proves it, I'm not insane, I was right all along. A twisted relief grabbed hold and squeezed my heart as I fell to my knees laughing and crying because I was too scared out of my wits to do anything else. Because how did they get her badge, and phone, and keys.

But I was right and it wasn't the time to just sit there, so I pushed myself up and started moving. I could still smell the perfume, but I needed to hurry or I'd miss my chance. Didn't even know where I was going, everything just moving around me as I race through this terrible fever dream following the scent of that perfume. Just smelling it made me want to vomit, but I forced myself to keep going and the trail is getting fresher.

Until finally I see the impostor hurrying along up ahead, and she looks so much like the real thing I feel this boiling rage. I want to run up and pounce her, demand answers and tear her to pieces for everything she's done, but I stop myself. I stop myself because she is all I have to go on.

We got on a train. I'm not sure how she hadn't noticed me. Maybe she had and just didn't care. Or maybe she was too afraid to confront me. Or maybe I'm just lucky, because she doesn't run when we get off.

So she steps off the train, and I'm still trailing her quietly. She walks faster, but that only made sense because now I could tell where we were, and it wasn't any part of the city you'll see in postcards. Down to an abandoned building near the docks. I see her hesitate and swallow, then head inside.


	8. Out On A Ledge

I stood out front of the building with this dread hanging over me. Pulled out my phone to call the police, but stopped myself. What would I tell them? That a fake Judy had gone in? That it was an empty looking building? That I had just stalked a stranger all the way to the docks and wanted them to bust everyone inside this place I'd found?

But I knew what this had to be, even though I'd never seen it before, and I hoped I was wrong. This sort of thing didn't happen anymore, at least I hadn't heard of it, but that didn't make the history any lighter. There I was, standing out front looking up at it and I had to do something. I had to know for sure. I could always make the call later.

Fortunately, if there is one thing running scams for 20 years will teach you it is how to get into places you don't belong. Quickly cased the area, making sure there weren't any lookouts I hadn't seen and peering into the windows to get an idea of how many are inside. Only one room looks to have lights on from what I can tell, but that didn't mean there weren't guards on the inside. Just to be safe I jimmied open one of the back entrances, then paused long enough to take out the ring and kiss it for luck before I stepped inside.

Needn't have bothered, though. Turns out abandoned buildings are pretty abandoned. Only that one light coming out of a doorway up ahead, but otherwise the place was just empty as far as I could tell. Still, I moved carefully, checking every room on my way. Stopped before the one with the light and listened. I heard the impostor talking to someone, saying that she'd done everything they asked. Whoever was in there with her didn't sound convinced, but I was already moving again. I hadn't heard Judy in there, and she was all that mattered.

Found a stairway leading up, and it was on the second floor that I found that my fears were true. Old bloodstains marred the cheap linoleum flooring. Could almost smell the blood and terror. An old blackmarket butcher. Just being there made my skin crawl, and my stomach turned over as I imagined a pile of slaughtered prey heaped up in one of the side rooms just waiting to be dismembered. Abandoned though, probably shut down in a raid ages ago. Had to pause to catch my breath since I was afraid I'd vomit. Swallowed the bile back down, eyes watering. No mystery why the place remained unoccupied.

Looked into every room I came across in that place, and each told the same story. She wasn't in any of them, though, and I couldn't figure out if that was good or very, very bad. Forced myself to keep moving, afraid that if I stopped I would just collapse and be unable to go on. Every step I could feel death pushing in around me, but unlike the box I could move and do something so I kept going until I came to a corner. Peeked around it and saw a guard, a stocky badger, in front of the room partway down the hall.

Somehow I knew that was where I was going. That there wasn't much time. No way I could just walk up hustle my way in for something like this, so I looked for another way around. Then my eyes found a window. Stupid, so stupid, but deep down I knew this was all my fault for getting caught in the first place so I walked over to check. Sure enough, there was a ledge.

Opened the window and stepped out before common sense could ask what the hell I was doing. Almost slipped when I took that first step which set my heart to pounding while every instinct in my body screamed to get back inside. But I pushed myself to move. One foot at a time, Step by step, just sliding my feet over the rough concrete ledge. Made the mistake of looking down at some point and froze up as the ground seemed to pull away and I imagined how I would fall if I lost my footing.

Why nobody saw me I'll never know. I guess people tend not to look up. Panted for air and moved another inch. And another. And another. Got to the corner and now I needed to slip around it. Wished I was a mouse, someone so small could practically use the lip as a sidewalk, then carefully eased my weight around the bend and kept moving, this time counting the rooms as I passed.

One...two...three...four...and at the fifth I leaned over to peer inside. Door closed, so I knew I'd gotten the right one. Pressed my face up to the windowpane and tried to pierce the darkness. The whole room was empty; inky black with just a trace of starlight filtering in around me, but my night vision is still pretty good so I didn't have much trouble. No furniture to speak of, but that isn't what I cared about.

All my attention went to the bunny huddled on the floor, hands and feet bound together. My heart tried to leap into my throat and I wanted to pound on the glass and yell to get her attention, to let her know I was there, but the guard was just outside the door and he would hear something like that.

Instead, I pushed against the glass and tried to lift, feeling how age and neglect had frozen the frame on its tracks. So I tapped around the edges, trying to shake it loose, then threw as much of my weight against it as I dared. Success. It budged just a fraction, but that was enough for me to hook my claws under and pull up. The movement came with a low grinding sound that sent shivers through me, and I guess the guard was deaf because he didn't hear even when I nearly threw myself into the room.

Immediately scrambled over to Carrots and felt my heart break just looking at her. Bound and gagged, her uniform was such a mess it looked like she'd picked a fight with every wolf in the city. I could see how tight the ropes were, smell the blood where they cut into her flesh. My mind just went blank for a beat, then I reached out for her.

"Oh Carrots," I whispered as I got hold of the gag and worked it free.

Her eyes snapped open and locked onto mine and I saw fear as she kicked me hard with both feet. The pain wasn't nearly so bad as my shock that she'd just hit me, and she took a deep breath and for a second I worried she was about to scream and give us away. Only she paused, and I saw confusion there as her mouth hung open, her nose twitching.

"Nick?"

I'd like to say I had some cool response. Something heroic and brave and cocky. My voice failed me though, and I thought I would cry, but somehow I got hold of it at the last moment and slid closer.

"Here, let me get those ropes off," I whispered.

I couldn't decide if I should untie her hands or her feet first, so I went with the ropes around her wrists just because they were closer. Every inch of my fur was on end as I was overwhelmed by things I cannot even describe. Relief, fear, anger, hate, love just tumbling out all at once. When the knots finally came apart she threw her arms around me and squeezed, burying her head in my neck.

"They told me you were dead," she murmured. "They said—"

"I'm here, I wouldn't do that to you, Carrots," I answered and rocked with her, stroking down her back and feeling relief as I finally found her scent again. "Come on, lemme finish."

For some reason I don't remember undoing the ropes around her legs, but I do remember taking the bandages off my hands and tearing them into four pieces. They were still mostly clean, my own injuries weren't that bad, so I used them to dress the cuts on her ankles and wrists before helping her stand. I was kind of surprised she could, to be honest, and though she did need to lean on me at first soon she was able to walk, if a little gingerly. Neither of us said anything else right then. I don't think we knew what to say. All that mattered was we were together again and needed to get out.

Took her to the window, but after one look out she balked. I'd just assumed because normally she would be able to do it without any problem, but even though she was starting to move a little better with each step she still had a limp. Considered trying to take the guard, but Judy was too hurt to help and I doubted I could do it alone.

Then I remembered my phone. Pulled it out and found the battery almost dead again. Barely any time plugged in followed by running around all night had it down to 3%. No time to second guess, called for help and crossed my fingers as I held her hand.


	9. Carrots

What followed mostly made it into the newspapers I guess, but the stories make it sound so different from the way I remember it. I've had those flashing red and blue lights chase me once or twice, and believe me when I say that isn't a good place to be. Been the one driving behind the lights too, and that is always this tumble of worry and excitement as you head off to save someone. Never been the one the lights were coming to save before, though, and let me tell you in that situation they are beautiful.

Of course the moment the bad guys heard the sirens they did what bad guys do and ran, but not before trying to grab Judy first. Somehow between the two of us we managed to keep the door shut until the police arrived. We were both laughing by then, too relieved to feel anything other than giddy joy as we leaned against each other. And back to the hospital, though this time it was for Judy, and while they checked out her hands and feet I sat in the waiting room and worried.

It's a different experience when you're not the one getting looked at, but not the way you might think. Before I was at the center of this storm of nurses and doctors worrying over me when I wanted nothing more than to be left alone and see Carrots. This time I still wanted to see her, but felt isolated and alone as activity buzzed around like I wasn't even there. A few of the officers from the ZPD stuck around to keep me company, but I couldn't find it in myself to interact with them. I was a little worried that they wouldn't understand, but they mostly left me alone and just were there which was nice.

So I sat and sipped coffee and for once had a moment to think where I didn't feel like everything was wrong. I still felt terrible, knew everything was terrible, but I could finally hope the worst was behind me. Thought about everything I'd been through, tried to imagine everything Carrots had been through, and wondered what was going to happen now. With all the terror past, and my whole life opened up once more, I was paralyzed by all the choices in front of me. The ring was still in my pocket so I took it out, looked at it as I made a few decisions right then.

Finally I got the news, that her hands and feet were swollen, and both her ankles and wrists would have a little scarring, but given time she'd be completely fine. Hurried into her room the moment they let me through, ready to get on my knees and ask her right then. No more waiting. No more excuses. Stepped inside and was about to do it when I saw her in the bed, small and miserable, but putting on her smile just for me. Felt terrible for thinking this was what she needed right then, like some little trinket could possibly outweigh all the bad that had happened. Put the ring back in my pocket and got on my knees anyway, right near the side of her bed and put my head next to hers, whispered that I loved her and I wasn't going to go anywhere. And when the nurses did eventually try to chase me off I kept my promise and spent the night sleeping right there.

Stories don't ever deal with the aftermath though. We were both safe and together again, but all the events still loomed over us as the news came in and our bodies slowly recovered. They eventually caught the ones who did everything, some sort of radical group. Purity something, I refused to give them the dignity of learning whatever they called themselves. All that matters is they were a bunch of closed-minded bigots pretending to be progressive. Grabbed me to occupy the ZPD and lure Judy out. According to the lab boys who reconstructed the tape it was some sick piece of work trying to convince me to shoot myself or else they'd hurt her.

The impostor was just some bunny who looked like Judy with a few touch-ups here and there. Been told to take Judy's place for a few days, to access the files the ZPD had on their little movement before deleting everything. They'd forced her to help by kidnapping her brother apparently, and as things cleaned up she begged me to forgive her. I couldn't, not really, because I'm a terrible person and everything she'd done had just... So I said the words, but I didn't really mean them.

And things with Carrots were rough as well, even though all the dark was behind us. From time to time I'd catch her rubbing at her wrists when she thought I wasn't looking, and more than once I woke us both with my nightmares. She blamed herself for what happened to me, that my being close to her put me in danger. I thought it was my fault for letting my guard down and getting caught so they could use me against her in the first place. There were fights, bad ones, over who had the right to carry the blame. Then we'd cry and make up a few days later, and repeat it all the next week.

Until one day she admitted she was talking to her mom about possibly leaving Zootopia and moving back. I didn't know what to say or do, so I just listened to her tell me about how she had been rethinking her life, and all at once I realized she'd been hurt so much worse than I'd given her credit for. That she'd been putting on a brave face this whole time, even after we both got cleared for desk work, and it was so bad she'd actually started to consider giving up the thing that she'd always loved and dreamed. There she was, I could touch her and smell her and talk to her, and yet for some reason I still couldn't reach her. And she couldn't reach me.

It was just so big—too big—and I didn't know what I could do to fix it. Didn't know if it could be fixed, or if I was the one that could do it. All I knew was that I needed to try.

So that night I asked her to sit with me at our table and...heh, it was a pathetic start. I asked her how she was doing, as if anything had changed. Then I took the ring out, set it on the table where we could both see, held her hand and started to talk about everything I had gone through.

Told her about waking up, and the muzzle, and the gun, and the tape. Told her about how I was ready to shoot myself, but that I couldn't because I knew she was looking for me and I would be safe. Told her about how I started to doubt, started to really believe I was going to die. About all the hallucinations, and the thirst, and being scared and alone and crying in the dark wishing I had saved the bullet. About how I had wasted so much time, was still wasting time, and the promise I'd made. Then about being rescued, and how confused I'd been that she wasn't there, and the impostor and everything that followed.

By the end I was exhausted and empty, voice faltering on each word as I held her hand and looked into her eyes. Said I still love her, and I'm sorry for everything that happened even if it wasn't my fault. That I didn't think it was her fault either. That I still wanted to be with her forever if she'd have me, even if now wasn't the time to ask. That the thought of losing her like this scared me so much worse than that damned box ever could.

She didn't say anything at first, and I worried that I'd dumped out too much too fast. How could I expect her to process it all at once? And then she got up, only instead of leaving like I expected she pushed her chair closer to mine, nestled against my side, and let her own story out while I listened quietly.

Told me about how she hadn't been worried that morning because sometimes I fall asleep at the precinct when working late. Then finding a package addressed to her on her desk, and seeing the webcam footage of me in the box for the first time as I flailed in the dark, underground, muzzled, and screaming. About how she nearly lost it, but then tried to pull herself together and rally a charge to find me, only for Chief Bogo to put her on leave because of regulations. About how she had been kicked out of the building, but then decided to visit Mr. Big to look for information. About her car being hit by another, and then finding herself fighting off a group until they finally managed to pile enough bodies on to bring her down. Being tied and gagged, told I was already dead, and that if she didn't give them her ZPD login they would go after her family.

The rest of the night is a blur of just...being together. Really together this time. I only remember holding each other, smelling her, kissing. Said all my stupid jokes, got called a dumb fox, and marveled that for some reason things felt right. Not the same, not better, and thankfully no worse, but with everything out at last maybe we could heal. Although I didn't propose then, or even that month, I felt like we could be okay again because I'd managed to find my way back to her. My Carrots.

* * *

Author Stuff:

Perhaps I should have written THE END or something up above, but I don't like to believe that Nick and Judy's story ends here. I like to believe that they work through what happened—together this time—and ultimately get married. Maybe even start a family. That cannot be a part of this story, unfortunately. As it stands, what I have here is complete for one simple reason: it is the result of a nightmare I had over the course of several days followed by feverish writing for 24 hours.

While I am happy to say that the bad dreams have gone away since writing this, I regretfully do not know what happens beyond this point. This is not a headcannon or anything like that. Consider it something of a one-shot alt timeline, and something I do not anticipate doing any more work on in the future. No doubt I'll end up writing some other Zootopia fanfic at some point, and I dearly hope it will be less immediately dire than this one.

Regardless, if you've made it all the way through this you have my thanks and gratitude. I would say that I hope you liked the story, but "like" seems to be the wrong word for something like this. I hope you appreciated it. Thank you again, everyone.


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